Home: Reflections on Reverse Culture Shock and Re-Integration

“The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one’s own country as a foreign land.” (G.K. Chesterton) Quite possibly exactly one year ago, this quotation was presented to us during orientation at JYM. Bright eyed and ready to begin what ended up being the most amazing consecutive ten months of my life, I was fascinated by this quotation – I was excited to see how I would change during the year and wondered just how foreign the US would seem to me after ten months. I did what I do with all quotations that resonate with me – I wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget it – and hung it up on the still too bare wall of my little StuStadt apartment that by the end of the year was filled with souvenirs and postcards from loving friends and family. Once and a while it would catch my eye among all my other decorations, and I would feel a little rush of excitement in anticipation of that day that I would set foot back in my home country and see what it looked like, ten months later.

Fast forward to July 23, 2015 – the day that I had to pass through two security checkpoints and passport control to board the plane for Boston. Looking around as I lounged on one of Munich airport’s luxurious, insanely comfortable chairs at the gate, I felt that same rush of excitement wash over me. If all the security checkpoints weren’t signal enough that I was on my way home to the good ole US of A, then the sneaker-clad, yoga pants/gym shorts-wearing passengers certainly were. I couldn’t help but smile. After all, I was heading back to the land where I could wear yoga pants in public without falling victim to the stares of strangers – what could be better? The 8 hour long plane ride was surreal. I couldn’t comprehend that that plane was bringing me to the open arms of my family – some of which I had not seen in nearly seven months – and not to some other European country as the other planes I had recently been on had done.

I was so happy to be back home in Boston with the fam!

I can’t say that the past two months of re-integration have been easy. It’s been rough going through German bread, beer, and pretzel withdrawals. After seeing the Bavarian flag hanging in a bar in Boston, I asked the bar tender, filled with hope and excitement, if they had Bavarian beer. They didn’t, and thus lost major points in my book. If you are going to hang up a Bavarian flag in your bar, you better have Bavarian beer. When I’m out and about and hunger strikes, I crave fresh, salty Bavarian pretzels – I really miss having bakeries on every street corner where I can oder eine Breze, bitte! Pretzel thins from the coffee shop in the library just don’t cut it. (But hey, at least I can eat, drink, talk, and carry my backpack in the library now.)

Grocery stores have also been a struggle for me. The night I got home, after eating the mint and cookies Kimball’s ice cream I not-so-discreetly requested be on hand for my arrival, my mom asked if I wanted to go to the grocery store. I looked at the clock, and seeing it was already 8:15pm – and already dark! – I furrowed my brow in confusion. How could we possibly go to the grocery store at 8:15pm? Wasn’t it already closed? Then I remembered I was in the US again, where stores are, in fact, open until 9pm or even 10pm. When I did eventually walk into Market Basket for the first time in a year a few days later, I felt like Buddy in Elf when he walks into a non-North Pole bathroom for the first time and shouts to his neighbor in the stall next to him, “Hey! Have you seen the size of these toilets? They’re GINORMOUS!” I kind of felt like shouting the same thing about American grocery stores – “Hey, have you seen the size of these grocery stores? These are ginormous.” It’s really amazing how applicable that movie is to everyday life, don’t you think? But, because I was in state of shock, instead of quoting my favorite movie, I gripped my brother’s arm, fear in my eyes, like a child clings to their parent’s arm on the first day of preschool. The cheese section was one of the worst offenders, second only to the mile-long chip aisle. I stood in front of the pre-packaged shredded cheese display – there were probably about 30 varieties of shredded cheese – and gawked for a solid minute, pointing at it, nervously laughing at the ridiculousness of it, desperately trying to collect myself. Thank goodness for my supportive brother, who simply patiently smiled during the episode.

While all those semi-superficial struggles have made the adjustment to life back in the US a bit hard, I kid about them being the difficulties that have made the past two months what I would call not exactly a walk in the park. In fact, the past two months have been quite the opposite. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster – one that I think, and hope, is slowly, finally pulling back into loading dock so I can climb off, find my balance, and be grounded at UNH. See, coming home to Westford was for the most part fine – great, even! I was finally reunited with my family whom I dearly missed and went back to work at Kimball’s – the place I have been working at for years and is basically my second home in the summer. Everything was pretty hunky-dory, to quote my sixth grade English teacher. (How that word just popped up in my mind I don’t know. Thanks, brain, for finally helping me remember interesting English words.)

The adjustment at UNH, however, was another story. I hadn’t been on campus since May 2014, which meant that I hadn’t attended classes at UNH in over a year. My brain was fried from having just taken finals in Germany mid-July, and I felt I was at a serious disadvantage since my peers had just gotten back from three restful months of break. The school system is so different here too, and that was a shock. Suddenly, I was expected to attend classes two or three days a week instead of once a week like in Germany, do what felt like an exorbitant amount of reading for most of those classes, and write academic papers in English. That last one was particularly difficult – I have been struggling to find the right words and English sentence structures after having done all my academic work in German this past year. I felt completely durcheinander (flustered, confused, upside-down). The denglisch nature of this sentence perfectly portrays the state of utter confusion I was feeling in the initial weeks at UNH. I even completely missed a reading assignment for one class (when something like that happens, I know something is seriously wrong), and I was flying by the seat of my pants to complete the assignments I did remember to do, waking up at 6am a few times to complete assignments due by 11am.  There were multiple moments in these past few weeks when I wondered if I would ever fit in at UNH again and have it feel like home. After some encouraging words by a professor who had been through the same thing as an undergraduate though, I knew I would find my rhythm again. It’s amazing – as soon as I heard someone who had been through a similar experience say that it would get better, I felt better.

The roomies - senior year here we come!

I think it’s safe to say that I did really did set foot on my own country as a foreign land after spending ten months away, and that’s pretty cool. But it was sometimes cool in a non-fun way. Two months later, things really are looking up though and I think this is the perfect time to wrap up this blog and move on to the next chapter of life. I now live in a luxuriously large, homey apartment on campus with three supportive, sweet roommates (shout out to my roommate who works at Housing for getting us what is probably the best apartment in the building). I have the privilege of sharing my study abroad experience with other students and help them make their dreams of studying abroad a reality as a Global Ambassador for the Center for International Education at UNH. And, to top it all off, I also get to help an international student at UNH feel welcome here in the US as a buddy with the Buddies without Borders program. I hope I can make her experience here as wonderful as mine was in Munich thanks to my two awesome conversation partners there (shout out to Corinna and Florian). I truly believe, to quote one of my favorite transcendental authors Emerson, that “to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived… is to have succeeded” and that is what I hope to do for this student. I even finally feel on top of my schoolwork – at least as much as one can as a senior.

Two months ago I was in Munich and twelve months from now, who knows where I will be. But that’s okay. I’m back home at UNH for now and it’s time to focus on what’s ahead – not the year behind me. Munich will always hold a special place in my heart, but UNH does too. I'll end with lyrics from a song that always makes me think of UNH and seems fitting to life right now: 

"Hold on to me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road

And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along

Just know you're not alone

'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home."

-Phillipp Phillipps Home 

UNH finally feels like home again and I am ready for an unforgettable senior year. Over and out!